“There are roughly three New Yorks”, claimed E.B. White in his book “Here is New York”: The city of commuters, of natives and of settlers. Of the three, “the greatest is the last – the city of final destination, the city that accounts for New York’s high-strung disposition, its poetical deportment, its dedication to the arts, and its incomparable achievements.” Of the three groups of people that buzz around this island, the settlers “give it passion”, claimed White. Being a settler myself and seeing the city as the ultimate playground of options and goals, I have to agree with White, but as strongly as I approve his assertion I decry some of the misdirected energy that we settlers pour into this metropolis. Case in point: The latest edition of L Magazine ( A pocket-size bi-weekly publication pandering to young NYC hipsters), The Sex Issue. The creative young writers behind this product of city chic have opted to use that settler ambition and ingenuity to highlight and inform us of the bizarre sex lives of a tiny margin of NYC folk which I’m betting hail mainly from middle-America and elsewhere.
Among those interviewed are porn stars, Sexperts, Cabaret performers, Sexologists, Sex Therapists, Sex Bloggers, Sex Writers – a bunch hardly representative of the attitudes of the multifarious residents of the big apple.
Here’s a ‘typical’ Manhattanite try-sexual woman:
Sexual Orientation: I don’t like the use labels, but it If had to pick one I’d say try-sexual. I’m willing to try (almost) anything once.
Location: Williamsuburg, Brooklyn
Professional Life: Sex educator, writer, director, producer, host and author
Relationship Status: In a relationship with a man. We currently live together. We are mostly monogamous.
How has your job affected your personal sex life? For starters, I’m desensitized to sex talk. I can talk about orgasms, penis, vagina, whatever – anywhere. The titillation factor is gone. Also, I don’t make as much noise as my partner would like because I work in porn (hosting, directing, producing) and I can’t stand when a girl sounds overly fake. …..We just took a tantra workshop last weekend, and I’m learning to express myself. Also, I’m numb to porn since I watch lots every month for work…And I love to use sex toys. Which is positive, mostly, but sometimes I think it’d be better if I spent more time with my hands. Get back in touch with my body that way.
Has your job led to uncomfortable situations? Sometimes because you’re working around sex. It’s difficult to find the line between sex-positive and sexual harassment. In a regular office job, it’s not cool for your co-worker to tell you that you have a great ass, but when you’re working on a porn set talking about tits and ass all day, it’s just different…..I was at a party once where this guy was trying to get me to have sex with him. It was a kinky fetish party and everyone was doing something, but I just wanted to watch.
And on to another……
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual, but just in a slutty way. I have had sex with men and women but am mostly straight.
Professional Life: Writer/editor/former call girl.
How does your work affect your personal sex life? It never really did. Sex at home i sway different than sex on the job. If anything, my real boyfriends get cheated because I don’t feel compelled to perform for them, putting on a big sexy show like I would for a client. Real sex, real intimacy shouldn’t be about smoke and mirrors, bells and whistles.
I love sex! One thing I’ve learned is that people should be more open-minded about their sexual partners. As a call girl, I have had mindblowing sex with people I might not have given a second glance to otherwise.
Obviously some people think I’m tainted in some wayy. Others fetishize what’ I’ve done. I don’t want to talk about it all the time with some guy I’m dating so he can get off on it. And just because I was a call girl doesn’t mean I’m easy. I’ve had guys who know me treat me like I should be instantly sexually available.
Nude Model and Porn Actress
Sexual Orientation: I’m a two on the Kinsey Scale.
Professional Life: At this point in my life , I’m only doing nude modeling and Alt Soft-core porn. I get nude and pose in erotic positions. I also participate in solo and girl/girl videos, but I have never done anything with a guy for my job, and don’t plan to. I also dance in my panties at weekly dance parties in the LES (go-go dancing). I used to do a lot of niche fetish work, and I was a submissive in many bondage movies.
I was about to turn 18 and wanted to make a lot of money and not work a lot of hours. Some of my friends were fetish models, so I got my first jobs through them and people they knew. Once you find one fetish job in NYC, the rest land in your lap.
The last video I ever did as a sub was a self-domination video. I basically had to beat the crap out of myself and then masturbate. After I got paid that day, I was soooooo done with the BDSM world.
Ok, time for a definition of passion right now:
The emotions as distinguished from reason; intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction; ardent affection
Nothing in these people’s lives indicates a passionate living. Rather, everything they do is overly-calculated carried out with cold rationality and precise method. Sex has become technical, just another extension of our mechanical lifestyle.
It is noteworthy to mention that in societies the world over, migrants to big cities often tend to adopt native norms, behaviors and attitudes and then adapt them to fit their preconceived ideas of metropolis living, often resulting in exaggerated practices and norms. This both creates an atmosphere of inventiveness and tackiness. And the line between the two is usually blurred in sophisticated societies that tend to co-opt even the lowest, sleaziest with a masterful use of language, psychoanalysis, cool rationality and vulgar consumerism.
Here’s to sexual alienation and degradation! Perhaps the natives should wake up and shake the city back to normality.